Playing the Match Game

I’ve come to find that playing the match game is a lot like dating.  You find out from an acquaintance that there is this birth mother or birth couple that you should meet because they think it would be a perfect match.  You get insanely excited and then sick to your stomach nervous.  Your mind races wondering if they will like you.  Will your hair be the right color, will your house be big enough, will they be able to see how much love there is between you and your husband, can they tell we will make the best parents in the world all after one meeting? 

When the day comes you say a little prayer to calm your nerves and you be yourself.  You open your heart, your home, your life … everything to this person(s) all while trying desperately not to get attached to their heart, personality, belly and smile because you know there is that chance of rejection.  I think we all know too well that the heart and mind play on different operating plains.  The mind tells you to keep it cool and not let your guard down because this might not be the one.  Your heart takes one look her and falls in love, and pictures your future as the parents of that baby she is so carefully carrying in her adorable protruding belly.  You heart tells you of course she will pick you because you will make the best parent in the world and have everything to offer her child.  You have waited 5 years for this and in 5 seconds you are attached. 

It’s a dangerous game we play.  Because in the match game there is also rejection.  There is the earth shattering, life altering, how could this be happening rejection.  The moments where you cry your eyes out.  The moments where you wish you could ask for a list of reasons why she didn’t choose you so that you wouldn’t spend every waking hour wondering what about yourself wasn’t good enough.  The moments where you wonder how you could have fallen so in love with a little someone you’ve never met and then having to mourn that loss.  It is so hard.  It shakes you to the core and makes you wonder if you are strong enough to put yourself out there again.   And it turns out everyone’s answer to that question is different.

But in the midst of the shock, loss and mourning you can’t forget to pray for the fetus to which you became so prematurely attached.  Send out a prayer of thanks that the birth mother found a family that will give it a happy home.  Pray that she feels peace throughout the process and that at the end of the day things are somehow as they were meant to be.

Then should you find the strength … put yourself out there and begin the process anew.