First Tubby

 Lucas got his first tubby yesterday and as you can see he was not initially impressed.

 Now that he's warm this isn't so bad

 Drying off

 Wide awake and studying mom with her silly camera

 

SO in love with this little face! 

In order to give you guys the photo a day I promised I have to sit down at the laptop and don't always have time for that so please follow our Don and Amanda Adopt Facebook page (link to the right) to get your daily pictures and Lucas updates. 

Love - Don, Amanda and baby Lucas

Baby Boot Camp day 1

Things our son has taught us in the last 24 hours ...

It is possible to fully function on two hours of sleep with a plethora of caffeinated beverages

Bouncing is not the same as rocking which is not the same as swaying which is not the same as walking

Poop happens ... a lot ... like 12+ times a day

Staring is not creepy when infants are involved

He does not want like being cold or having his arms swaddled so the only acceptable apparel is a long sleeve onesie with fold over hands and a blanket swaddling him from the waist down.

Always expect poop right after securing him in the car seat but before leaving the house

It is possible to love someone you just met more than life itself
He really is the best baby.  He eats good, sleeps good and really only fusses during diaper changes.  We are so very blessed and loving every second of parenthood!  Can you tell the rest of the family is in love too?

Lucas

So it's a typical Saturday night and I'm at home on the couch waiting for Don to get home from work.  I had just spent the last two weeks incredibly sick from my Lupron injection and was hoping life was going to return to normal real soon.  My phone started ringing and it was an unrecognized local number.  I answered and this is what I heard ...
"Hi Amanda, this is Dr. Schell (my OBGYN/RE).  Are you ready?"
A little confused and kind of expecting her to ask me to write down some new instructions for making me feel better I said "yes ..."  The words that followed changed our lives forever. 
"I just delivered a beautiful baby boy via c-section and the mother wants nothing to do with keeping him, how fast can you get to the hospital?"
WHAT?! 
She continued with all the details but I was still stuck somewhere between her first sentence and how am I going to tell my husband he's getting a son for Father's Day?!
We went to the hospital the next morning and met with the birth mother and everything was a go.  We could not believe it.  After telling our parents they were getting a grandchild for Father's Day we spent the remainder of the day pinching ourselves.  Could this really be happening????!
Monday afternoon we got to meet our son and spent as much time as we could in the NICU with him until he was released to us today.
Meet Lucas Robert born June 15, 2013 at 7lbs 15oz and 21.5 inches long.  He is perfect and we are SO in love.  I could write forever but for now I have a son who needs some mommy snuggles :)

Lucky ...?

This Fathers Day

Fathers Day is typically just as hard as Mothers Day in this household only this year I think might be the worst. 

While he doesn't always come right out and say it I know that hubby is carrying around quite a bit of guilt surrounding our first failed (or unmatched) birth mom connection.  Everything was going fantastic, we were getting invited to doctor appointments, in contact with our lawyer and then we received the email stating she was looking at other families because my husband was Catholic.  He was beyond devastated.  It was very important to her that her baby be raised in the Lutheran church and she just couldn't give him to a Catholic family.  The faith in which he had been raised cost us our first real chance at parenthood.  How can you not take that personally? 
I was raised in the Lutheran Church and when we got married we decided to go to a Catholic church around our home mostly because we heard most people loved it and the religious basics were not so different that I felt I couldn't accommodate.  It appeared that now we were paying for that decision with our future as parents.  It was a crushing blow.
We were both open to raising our child in the Lutheran Church and have actually since started attending one locally but it was too late.  She had already chosen another family and well you know the rest. 
While we are both elated with our new church I imagine its difficult for him to not blame himself every time he walks past our vacant nursery.  The real kicker is being any certain religion doesn't make you a good person or even a good parent.  I know plenty of people of all faiths who attend church every Sunday but don't live those values in their daily lives and are generally not great people.  I think church is important but what's in your heart is what matters most.  You can have Jesus in your heart and love and worship him daily and not go to church and that makes you ten times the Christian as someone just going through the motions in my opinion. 
I don't for one second blame him for what happened in fact I feel horrible for him.  I mean we all grow up believing the faith in which our parents chose to raise us.   I fell in love with him because of the person he has become and the faith in which he was raised.   No regrets.
Perhaps this Fathers Day we can do something special ... off the grid ... celebrating him and having nothing to do with children or our lack thereof.

Two broken hearts and an empty nest

 

As the title implies I have no good news this week folks.  It turns out both birth parent connections failed and we are left devastated and with loads of questions ... most beginning with why.
Why did God choose now to bring these expectant mothers into our lives?  Why when we were finally in a good place with our fertility struggles and failed attempts at parenthood?  Why?  It seems cruel and hard to understand for us right now.   Not only has the BandAid been ripped off but our hearts have been broken into a million pieces as well. 
Why does this hurt so much more than infertility?  The only conclusion I've been able to come to here is that this time there was an actual baby.  A growing, developing, only months from birth baby.  It's almost as though the nursery had a designated occupant which is making it so much harder to spend time in there these days. 
I'm gonna switch things up a bit and start this one with a how.  How do we pick up the pieces and begin again?  How do we not let this experience negatively impact our openness to birth mothers in the future?  I mean its human nature to guard your heart when its been ripped out of your chest and thrown in front of an 18 wheeler on the open highway right? 
So many questions with unfortunately not a lot of answers right now. 
For the time being we are moving forward with our medical protocols as planned.  Which has also been a bit of a disappointment.  If it was never God's intention for either of those babies to become part of our family then why is this Lupron round proving to be such a challenge?  The shot I received last week has me so sick I haven't left the house in the last 5 days.  Our faith, strength and patience is really being tested.  I cry ... a lot.  If Lupron wasn't making sleep near impossible these days I would probably spend most nights crying to God until I fell asleep. 
I cannot remember ever wanting to be anything other than a mother when I grew up.  I have a degree that somewhat limits me without additional schooling and I haven't gone back because my only career goal is to be a stay at home mother.  To spend every single day loving, teaching, nurturing and empowering our children. 
Alas ... for the time being we will keep leaning on one another and trying to keep our chins up. 
God has big plans for us right?