Was it me? Was I not
approachable, could she not see my love for children, was my hair the wrong
color, should I have had it done before we met, should I have worn something
different, did I not ask enough questions about her, did I not tell her enough
about me, did she not think we clicked … what was it?
Was it my husband?
Had they not had enough interaction for her to feel comfortable, did he
not wear the right thing, did he not ask enough questions, was it not apparent
what an awesome dad he would make, was it because he was still in school, did
he not make enough money or work the wrong hours … What was it?
Was it our house? Was
it not big enough, were there not enough bedrooms, did she not like the décor,
maybe she didn’t like the nursery we had poured so much love into, did she find
dust somewhere or dog hair on the floor, did the yard look okay, could she not
see her baby being happy and playing here … what was it?
Was it our marriage?
Could she not tell that we were made for one another, should we have sat
closer together when we met, was there not enough PDA, did we not seem on the
same page when it came to parenting, could she not see that we would make the
most amazing parenting team ever … what was it?
I had a bad case of the “what was its” … BAD CASE. I think I was still holding out hope that she
did see and think all these things and maybe just needed to look elsewhere and
realize she couldn’t find them in anyone but us. I was in denial and maybe I still am.
But I can tell you that after much prayer and reflection I’ve
decided that I love all our flaws. I
love our dust and dog hair. I love our
small house and our amateur landscaping.
I love my husband for taking classes to secure our financial future even
if it means sacrificing some quality time between now and August. I love the love we put into our nursery. I love God and what he has done in and
through us. And someday I will love sharing all of these
things with the child God has chosen for us J
It probably has nothing to do with you. She probably liked you a lot- just felt that the other couple would be more suited for parenting the child.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine what you're going through. I'm the lowest maintenance woman you'll meet (second hand clothes, no make-up, a comb and I'm good to go), but for our group study and home study I was freaking out. I asked opinions on my hair (putting it in a bun for an hour or two gives it some wave, that's what I ended up doing) and I even wore mascara. I understand the preparation and the second guessing... just not to the stage which you're at. I've never been there... I'm so very sorry this happened. When you get your child, you'll realize that he or she is the child God had intended for you all along.
Prayers!
Hi there. I'm an adoption social worker with an agency on the east coast and I read a lot of adoption blogs, including yours (obviously!:)). I've been following your story for a few months, and was of course sad for you guys with this failed match situation. I just wanted to share with you from my perspective of working with both adoptive parents and birth parents. It is incredibly rare that a birth mother will "reject" an adoptive family for any certain thing that is wrong with them. Rather, I find that they feel a strong connection for one reason or another with the family that they choose. Of course, your situation was different in that you were also chosen by this birth mother. Basically what I wanted to share was that there is nothing wrong with you, your husband, your marriage, or anything else. This birth mother likely felt a connection with the other family for some reason that even SHE may not be able to verbalize. A lot of my birth mothers tell me that they just get a feeling about a family, and they have to go with their gut in making the decision.
ReplyDeleteAll of that to say, you guys are an awesome couple and the right birth mom with the right baby will most certainly find you at the exact right time. Waiting is tough, but it is all forgotten and oh so worth it when you meet your baby for the first time! Hang in there.