Is it possible that we are talking about baby again ... in the present tense?
It's possible alright. We had a birth couple connection this time that we remain optimistic about :)
Everyone is doing cartwheels right? I know ... I know. How can you help? You can pray for our new friends and leave us a comment on our previous post so they can get to know us better. Please pray that they find peace during this process and that we can help be the support they need no matter the outcome. This is a very difficult decision so lots and lots of prayers would be greatly appreciated.
AND you can also come visit our rummage this weekend. We are praying the weather cooperates but either way we will be out there doing what we do best ... championing for adoption! We would LOVE to see you! And we have lots of great new donations from the best friends and family a couple could ask for.
Oh and God willing I will have another super awesome surprise to blog about later tonight ... eeek!
Adoption is beautiful … Adoption is life changing … Adoption
is scary … that’s the God’s honest truth.
And I’m not just talking about scary for us … it’s downright
scary for birth moms too!
I have often tried to put myself in their shoes and I cannot
even begin to imagine.I feel like to
an extent my infertility struggles are similar but yet so different that maybe
I can’t relate.I am all too familiar
with emotional roller coasters, raging hormones, hope, desperation, loss, grief,
but I’m not sure it compares with placing your child up for adoption.
I spend a lot of time praying about our decision to
adopt.I struggle very much with the
fact that I am asking someone to do something I never could in order for me to
experience motherhood.If we are being
100% honest … I could not place my baby up for adoption.Not at 16, not at 19, not at 21 … not even at
30.Yet I am expecting someone else to
make that sacrifice for us.In order for
Don and I to have our parenting dreams come true, someone else must feel
heartache and grief and loss.I know
they are choosing to give their child the life that they simply cannot provide
at this time but that doesn’t mean they won’t experience pain and grief and
loss.An open adoption has always been
part of our adoption plan so we would never keep their child from them but it
is still not the same.I have heard many
mothers say that having a child is like allowing your heart to walk around
outside your body and I want someone to trust me with their heart?!It’s an insane concept when you think about
it that way right?Especially when we essentially
just met.How do they know we are
awesome people who will love their child more than words can explain?How do they know we are good with kids?How do they know we will provide the life
they dream of for their child?We can
tell them but why should they trust us?Because
we know we are good people?I don’t know
about you but that wouldn’t be good enough.Hopefully we will get to spend enough time together before the baby
comes to allow them to know for sure but what if that’s not an option?How will they ever really know?And how will we know if they plan to go
through with their adoption plan?How
will we know if it’s okay to get attached to our new baby for fear they will
take it away during those first 30 days.Adoption is terrifying!I think
this is what drew me to consider embryo adoption.It meant that the only person who would get
hurt if it didn’t work would be us.Our
quest for parenting bliss wouldn’t hurt anyone other than us.This is really really hard.I knew our most recent birth mother
connection for about 3 weeks and I think and worry about her constantly.I hope that she is at peace and that the new
family she has chosen is taking good care of her.That they are aware of her feelings and that
they fully understand and appreciate the grief and loss she is going to
experience as a result of their parenting bliss.Birth mothers are warriors.They are the most selfless people on the
planet.They put their own feelings
aside and give their children the most amazing gift anyone could ever give.I pray every day that should our child find
us through domestic infant adoption that we always remember these things and
that we do everything we can to be there for our birth mother. The relationship doesn't stop at birth because we have her heart remember? I originally got my degree in Psychology
hoping to eventually end up in student guidance counseling but this whole
experience sure has made me consider the adoption end very seriously.Maybe it’s the almost mother in me but I want
to take all these scared pregnant women and hug them and hold their hands and
tell them their emotions are normal and no matter what they decide we will
figure it out together.
In the meantime for those of you who know us personally and want
to help with some of this uncertainty feel free to leave a comment for
potential birth mothers to read. Make
sure to mention how you know us (family, extended family, church, school, work
etc) and you can even post it anonymously if you want.I promise no edits.Maybe if they hear some of the things we are
saying from people other than us it will help put their mind and hearts at
ease.
This is a really difficult and emotionally charged process
but in the end every moment will be more than worth it. <3
Yep … we made a big life change this week.I think it was a long time coming and nothing
our previous church did specifically to push us away but more the direction of
the religion as a whole.But alas this
blog is not intended to spark a religious debate.We have never judged anyone for their
religious beliefs and hope in turn to not have people judge us for ours.
Any whosey … we took the plunge and walked into a new church
this Sunday not knowing quite what to expect.I likened it to starting a new school half way through the school
year.Especially in this case because we
chose a smaller church and had a pretty good idea that members all knew one
another.
We got there super early … well 7:50 for an 8am service which
is apparently early since the parking lot had exactly 2 cars in it.We decided to take a little cruise through
the village and come back hoping to see some more cars.Phew we were right.All these early risers liked to make it just
in time for the start of the service.
We walked in the doors and followed the line to where the
pastor was handing out the service bulletins.He made eye contact with me and immediately said “I don’t believe we’ve
met” … such a good warm feeling JAt our previous church we were often lost in
the crowd and that community feel just wasn’t there.We often hoped that once our children were
school aged and attending school at the church we would make church
friends.But then it occurred to us that
children may never happen for us … not for a lack of trying I’m just being
realistic.Do we want to wait to feel
like we belong?Okay back to present
tense lol.I introduced myself and hubby
and we were immediately welcomed and thanked for choosing to worship here this
Sunday.We took our seats thinking the
introductions were over and it was going to be smooth sailing from here on
out.
About 5 sentences into the service … “We have some visitors
here with us today, please welcome Don and Amanda” … and there it was.An entire congregation was now staring and
smiling at us.It wasn’t as bad as I had
envisioned in my head but when you have skin as fair as mine the red in your
cheeks gives everything away!!
As soon as the introductions were over it became eerily
clear why God had directed us to this church. The theme of the sermon … Where is God during
the hard times? It was like they were
talking directly to us!I was
dumbfounded.I just could not get over
it.It wasn’t until we got to the sermon
that I couldn’t control the tears.And I
was worried about making it through introductions without embarrassing myself
lol.
We were asked to open the Bible in the pew in front of us
and turn to Psalm 13 - “How long, O Lord?Will you forget me forever?How
long will you hide your face from me?How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day sorrow in my
heart?” This! … this exactly … I have
prayed time and time again and not because I knew it was a verse from the Bible
but because it is heavy on my heart every day while we wait for our family to
be complete.How did they know?!They didn’t know, God knew.He knew that I needed to hear I was not the only
one who had come to him with these words.And that he hasn’t forgotten me.That when I remember to bring him what is heavy on my heart he listens
and lifts me up through my faith.
Thankfully by the end of the service my tears had dried and
I had cleaned the mascara from my face.As we waited patiently to file out we were approached by other members
who wished to introduce themselves and welcome us.It was amazing!We were the last ones out of the church and
waiting for us was the Pastor again who spent 25 minutes getting to know us and
answer any questions we had.It was good … all of it was so SO good.We left feeling uplifted, at home and in awe of
our God.This was the plan … his plan
all along J
Poop ... its not just for parents of 2 legged babies ...
I woke up early this morning, showered and had the intentions to run all my errands before noon. Hubby was still sleeping so I thought it might be nice if I took the girls with me to the bank. We headed out and they did a quick #1 before hopping into the back of the Xterra to head to the bank. I had my deposit precounted, slip already filled out and everything in a baggie so this should be a piece of cake. I rolled down the back windows and we were off for our 5 block adventure, round trip. They were very well behaved in the car as always and charmed everyone in the bank drive thru. The sweet teller sent them a treat with my receipt and we were headed back home.
We got home and I waited with them in the backyard while they each did a number two. I was apparently too busy watching Bella when I should have been watching Cassie ... as I was about to find out. Really there is nothing more humbling than standing downwind while your dog does their business.
Everyone was done and we headed in through the sun room when I noticed Cassie was ... ahem ... a mess in the back. Great. Here I thought I was doing hubby a favor by letting him sleep in and now I was yelling quite loudly for him to meet me in the sun room with the baby wipes.
Remember when I said there was nothing more humbling than standing down wind? Scratch that ... wiping your pup's behind is more humbling. Maybe a better H word would be humiliating for us both I imagine.
Just when we both thought we had conquered the poop for the day we look down and there are poopy puppy prints all over. It was officially the equivalent of a baby up the back blowout.
(no I didn't grab my camera but imagine this ... black lab and all)
Yep she did an incomplete poopy, pranced all over it and came in the house to show us her version of natural art. This kind of stuff happens to people other than just us right?
While this story does not appear that it is going to have a
happy ending I do need to give a shout out to our almost birth mom who shall
remain nameless to protect her identity.
She must have been following our story either via Facebook
or this blog and she reached out by email to express how sorry she was for
breaking our hearts.
She said she had been thinking of us often and felt
absolutely terrible about backing out.While it wasn’t the “I’ve changed my mind” email I was so desperately
hoping for it was good.It was the beginning
of a long healing process.It shows that
we were right to have chosen her because she has a good heart.I hope the family she chose appreciates the
incredible gift she is giving them and that they spend every day making sure
they are the most amazing gift to her son.She deserves a happy ending even if we are not directly a part of it.
I think the wondering was the hardest part.Why were we chosen but then rejected for a
different family?I honestly lost hours
even days of sleep over this. We knew she
had some specific desires for her son and the way he would be raised but we
offered to meet and exceed them, no question.And we still intend to make these lifestyle changes for ourselves so why
was this not enough? I just wished I could see the new family so I would
know.Somehow I thought this would bring
closure although rationally thinking I’m not sure anything could.
Was it me?Was I not
approachable, could she not see my love for children, was my hair the wrong
color, should I have had it done before we met, should I have worn something
different, did I not ask enough questions about her, did I not tell her enough
about me, did she not think we clicked … what was it?
Was it my husband?Had they not had enough interaction for her to feel comfortable, did he
not wear the right thing, did he not ask enough questions, was it not apparent
what an awesome dad he would make, was it because he was still in school, did
he not make enough money or work the wrong hours … What was it?
Was it our marriage?Could she not tell that we were made for one another, should we have sat
closer together when we met, was there not enough PDA, did we not seem on the
same page when it came to parenting, could she not see that we would make the
most amazing parenting team ever … what was it?
I had a bad case of the “what was its” … BAD CASE.I think I was still holding out hope that she
did see and think all these things and maybe just needed to look elsewhere and
realize she couldn’t find them in anyone but us.I was in denial and maybe I still am.
But I can tell you that after much prayer and reflection I’ve
decided that I love all our flaws.I
love our dust and dog hair.I love our
small house and our amateur landscaping.I love my husband for taking classes to secure our financial future even
if it means sacrificing some quality time between now and August.I love the love we put into our nursery.I love God and what he has done in and
through us.And someday I will love sharing all of these
things with the child God has chosen for us J
It’s weird … I think that maybe God’s plan for our family
didn’t have anything to do with adoption this time.
I think he put this failed birth mother connection into our
lives for a reason so much greater than the baby boy she is carrying.
It brought up some tough questions and sparked some really
important and insightful conversations.
It forced us to examine our current faith practices and our relationship with
God individually as well as in our marriage.
It made us stronger together.It brought out the ugly and it turns out we
love each other not in spite of but because of our ugly.
It turns out we have the strength to move forward together …
and we have.
I firmly believe God puts everyone in your life for a reason
and that includes my husband.He was
meant for me and never for one second have I questioned that.
He was my gift from God.A gift that I don’t want to know where I would be without.
We were not raised in the same faith and that we cannot
change nor would I want to.The faith in
which we were brought up made us who we are today.
Perfectly compatible, compassionate, Godly individuals.But for the sake of our future family we did
need to make a choice on how we wanted to raise our children.
Thank you to God for bringing our almost birth mother into
our lives because now we have a clear direction on that.
We are a united front embarking on a new spiritual journey
(new for one and old for another) and it’s really exciting J
After
sharing the story of our rainstorm we should also share the rays of sunshine in
our lives that helped us come out the other side.I’m no meteorologist but I’d say we are upgraded
to partly cloudy.
Here
are just a few of the amazing notes people have left us outside of the ones on
this blog since sharing our heartbreaking story …(I hope they don’t mind me sharing)
You
gotta trust the "plan" and know that your baby will find you! And
once (s)he does, you'll absolutely know that was the plan the whole time.
Amanda,
we are so sorry. He is right on the money!!! Keep praying. These are only minor
setbacks, I have learned so much after our struggles with having a baby.
Everything happens for a reason and I believe in miracles. God does have his
plan for you and Don. Call me if you need to talk
Thinking of you both. We will continue to pray for you. I don't know exactly what you are going through, but I do know what it's like to believe you are having a baby, only to lose that baby ... your heart will get less sore every moment that goes by. Although, I still think about my angel babies. People always said it wasn't meant to be but I just couldn't believe that because to me, it was perfectly meant to be. Don and you will be amazing parents, and it breaks my heart that these people didn't see that. If you need to talk, please give me a call. Hang in there ...
We are hanging in there and trying to understand God's plan for our family. We are also continuing to pray for the little man that was almost ours and his mama as she approaches her due date. We pray for God to protect her heart as her decision becomes more final in these last weeks. We pray that he is there holding her hand through her doctor appointments and that he reassures her of his plan with every kick inside her ever growing belly. We pray that the family she has chosen shows her support and is there for her when she needs them. We pray that they will love this baby boy as much as we would have and that he grows up knowing Jesus.
Thank you to all our friends and family who are there supporting us. We are SO fortunate. When God does decide to bless us with a child we could not ask for more amazing role models to surround them with love. XOXO
One of the many battle scars we've acquired during our journey to parenthood:
My previous post about the match game was written from experience. A real life, wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, heartbreaking experience.
Perhaps you recall my post from last November about being approached by my doctor regarding a patient of hers who was unexpectedly expecting and looking to place her child up for adoption. I of course gave her our information and she said she would share. Months went by and I never heard anything so we assumed she had chosen to parent. Adoption is a very hard decision so we completely understood. Then out of nowhere while at an appointment my doctor approaches me again stating this same patient had called just now, while I was in the office, and has decided to move forward with adoption. Luckily I had one of our adoption cards with me so I gave her the information and went about my day.
That very night we got an email from the birth mother asking to meet. We were elated! Finally God was answering our prayers. It was as though the light had been let back into our lives after being in the dark for so long. We met the next day and seemed to click right off the bat. This turned into days of emailing, sharing ultrasound pictures and getting invited to doctors appointments. We all talked about what we would name him and for the first time in a very long time we allowed ourselves to get attached and picture our future as parents ... actual parents!
Then came the email I pray no one ever receives. I am so very sorry to inform you I have chosen another family to raise my son. There are no words to describe it because I'm not sure language exists to define that depth of pain. It was as though my heart had been ripped from my chest. I couldn't see through the tears to even finish the email. The joy that had once been ours now belonged to someone else. A very lovely and deserving couple I'm certain but still it was no longer ours. We would not be raising a baby boy ... we would not be parents.
Through my sobs I wanted to plead with her to please change her mind. To tell her there are no better parents out there for her son and that no one could possibly love him the way we would have. But I knew her mind had been made up. So I just cried. I cried until my eyes we so swollen I could hardly see, I cried until my jaw ached, I cried aloud and until I ran out of tissue at work ... then I went home and cried until I fell asleep. One minute we had this bright future where hubby would coach baby boy's sports team and I would take him to the library for story time. We would all snuggle on the couch to watch movies and do homework together at the kitchen table. The dreams were endless but in one single moment they were not our dreams any longer. The nursery will remain empty and all his baby clothes will get packed away. The dreams were gone and we were left trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces and ever feel whole again. How long will this ache last in my heart? Would we ever have the strength to risk repeating this level of rejection and heartbreak? Because in this moment ... this feels like the worst ... the absolute worst :'(
I’ve come to find that playing the match game is a lot like
dating.You find out from an acquaintance
that there is this birth mother or birth couple that you should meet because
they think it would be a perfect match.You get insanely excited and then sick to your stomach nervous.Your mind races wondering if they will like
you.Will your hair be the right color,
will your house be big enough, will they be able to see how much love there is between
you and your husband, can they tell we will make the best parents in the world
all after one meeting?
When the day comes you say a little prayer to calm your
nerves and you be yourself.You open
your heart, your home, your life … everything to this person(s) all while
trying desperately not to get attached to their heart, personality, belly and
smile because you know there is that chance of rejection. I think we all know too well that the heart
and mind play on different operating plains. The mind tells you to keep it cool and not let
your guard down because this might not be the one.Your heart takes one look her and falls in
love, and pictures your future as the parents of that baby she is so carefully
carrying in her adorable protruding belly.You heart tells you of course she will pick you because you will make
the best parent in the world and have everything to offer her child.You have waited 5 years for this and in 5
seconds you are attached.
It’s a dangerous game we play.Because in the match game there is also
rejection.There is the earth
shattering, life altering, how could this be happening rejection.The moments where you cry your eyes out.The moments where you wish you could ask for
a list of reasons why she didn’t choose you so that you wouldn’t spend every
waking hour wondering what about yourself wasn’t good enough.The moments where you wonder how you could
have fallen so in love with a little someone you’ve never met and then having
to mourn that loss.It is so hard.It shakes you to the core and makes you
wonder if you are strong enough to put yourself out there again. And it turns out everyone’s answer to that
question is different.
But in the midst of the shock, loss and mourning you can’t
forget to pray for the fetus to which you became so prematurely attached.Send out a prayer of thanks that the
birth mother found a family that will give it a happy home.Pray that she feels peace throughout the
process and that at the end of the day things are somehow as they were meant to
be.
Then should you find the strength … put yourself out there
and begin the process anew.
Today marks the end of a BIG week that I have been waiting to share with our faithful followers. On Monday we received a birth mother lead. Yep ... we almost couldn't believe it either. We had a scheduled meeting today and this is how the day went ...
I woke up early, showered and then nudged hubby out of bed because we needed to run an errand before our meeting today. Already feeling pretty emotional we got to the store and I was waiting for hubby to finish looking around when I noticed a very particular song playing at the store.
When we first started dating ... like forever ago lol ... it was apparently still acceptable to exchange mixed CDs (pretty sure I just aged us here) and this song was on the CD. I briefly thought to myself that perhaps God was choosing this moment to speak to me and assure me that his will is being done so I can just relax from here on out. Then ... the song repeated. I swear. My husband and I looked at each other in disbelief. Our song was playing twice in a row! Now we knew for sure that no matter the outcome God was going to protect our hearts and all we had to do was be ourselves.
At this point we were headed for checkout and this is the very next song that played.
We are big Michael Buble fans but I can honestly day before today I never took the time to really listen to the lyrics. I listened today and the tears began steaming down my face. So much so I had to give the money to hubby as I was embarrassed to pay the cashier in my current condition.
We went home feeling confident and knowing that things have always been out of our hands so all we can do is put it all out there and hope it's everything she's looking for.
The meeting went well and now we wait. Of course we hope this is it and our family will be growing by two feet but if it's not we are going to be okay.
In the meantime if I could ask you to pray for us and for guidance to the expectant parents that they find comfort in this difficult time. It would be so appreciated. <3 Don and Amanda
Lyrics:
Didn't they always say we were the lucky ones.
I guess that we were once, babe, we were once,
but luck will leave you cursed, it is a faithless friend,
and in the end, when life has got you down,
you've got someone here that you can wrap your arms around.
So hold on to me tight,
hold on to me tonight.
We are stronger here together,
than we could ever be alone.
So hold on to me,
don't you ever let me go.
There's a thousand ways for things to fall apart,
but it's no ones fault, no it's not our fault.
Maybe all the plans we made might not work out,
but I have no doubt, even though it's hard to see.
I've got faith in us, and I believe in you and me.
So hold on to me tight.
Hold on, I promise it will be alright.
Cuz it's you and me together,
and baby all we've got is time.
So hold on to me,
hold on to me tonight.
There's so many dreams that we have given up.
Take a look at all we've got,
and with this kind of love,
what we've got here is enough.
So hold on to me tight.
Hold on, I promise it will be alright.
Cuz we are stronger here together,
than we could ever be alone.
Just hold on to me,
don't you ever let me go.
Hold on to me, it's gonna be alright.
Hold on to me tonight.
Today's rummage was a HUGE success. It far surpassed anything we could have possibly imagined! In fact we were beginning to worry there wouldn't be enough items left for tomorrow :)
Our very first customer arrived before the signs had even been placed. Mom and Lauren left to go put out all the signs figuring I could handle this single customer solo. Turns out people began to follow them as they placed the signs and by the time they got back we were swamped! There was a steady stream of people all day long and many of them were adoptive mothers who wanted to come hear our story and share theirs. God is so good ... we are in awe of the blessings bestowed on us lately.
My sister's friends were even nice enough to stop by and lend some assistance. The best part about receiving donated items for a rummage is that moment when a potential customer asks "What is this?" and you have to say "Whatever you want it to be" since you have no freaking clue lol.
And of course it wouldn't be a rummage for adoption without my Adoption is Beautiful shirt! Don and I are so thankful to everyone who donated their clutter. This rummage success would not have been possible without you.
Since we had such an amazing turn out we are going to need more clutter for our June 1st and 2nd dates. If you are still spring cleaning and have items you would like to donate we pick up, just text or email us :)
Lastly we need to thank little Greyson for all of the hand me downs he gave baby C today. We are so excited everything is adorable!! Thanks G-man!
This mama to be is exhausted so time for bed. I hope all of you are enjoying your weekend and if you haven't stopped by the rummage yet, there is always tomorrow :)
Rummage Weekend One is about to commence and you should really be there!
We have gotten so many awesome donations that you are bound to find a great deal.
Saturday May 18th from 9am to 5pm
Sunday May 19th from 9am to 4pm
Location: 455 Connie Circle in Lake Geneva, WI
Nothing like hearing your father-daughter song on the radio to brighten up the work day :)
When a single mom goes out on a date with somebody new It always winds up feeling more like a job interview My momma used to wonder if she'd ever meet someone Who wouldn't find out about me and then turn around and run
I met the man I call my dad when I was five years old He took my mom out to a movie and for once I got to go A few months later I remember lying there in bed I overheard him pop the question and prayed that she'd say yes
And then all of a sudden Oh, it seemed so strange to me How we went from some thing's missing To a family Lookin' back all I can say About all the things he did for me Is I hope I'm at least half the dad That he didn't have to be
We were hoping and praying there would be snow for us this June ... snowflakes to be exact.
We adopted two beautiful snow flake babies with the hopes of transferring them into my uterus this June to then be carried to term. The prospect was exciting and we were elated. Then we got the call ... the endometrial biopsy showed my uterus to be slightly inhospitable. I cried. We have options, invasive medical options that might turn things around and make the transfer possible at a later date.
But this has been hard and I decided maybe it was God's turn to carry me for a while. Everything happens for a reason right? So here we are back in God's hands and I've got to tell you it's a pretty fantastic place to be :)
I know that God would not have made it my heart's desire to be a parent if he didn't have something big in mind for my family.
So for now it's full steam ahead with the rummage since only God knows when our sweet child will enter our lives and we want to be ready :)
It's almost that time again!! The rummage is coming and we still need clutter!
I am very excited to begin our next round of rummages to help fully fund our dream of expanding our family. To those who have already donated their clutter I cannot thank you enough! And to the amazing donors who sent money through our blog you are incredible and have made us feel so completely blessed :)
We still have one more week before the first rummage so it is not too late to contact us for clutter donations. We are willing to pick up from your location morning or night. The best way to reach us is through our Facebook page (link to the right) or email us at Donandamandaadopt@gmail.com.
Hope to see you at the rummage :)
We had a rummage pick up this morning and I made a new friend named Audrey. She showed me all her princess dolls while hubby helped her daddy carry their donations to the car. We are so blessed and thankful for the items they donated to our rummage! While I was visiting with Audrey she asked about my puppies and her mom told me she likes watching dogs walk by the house during the day. So ... this post is for Audrey!
Bella gets sleepy and take naps just like you!
Cassie wears silly hats :)
Bella plays peek-a-boo with the camera
Cassie tells us she is hungry by bringing us her bowl
Bella loves her Simba from the Lion King!
Cassie likes the window open when we ride in the car
Silly Bella is sticking her tongue out
Cassie playing dress up with momma's clothes
Bella likes to give her mom snuggles
Cassie plays hide and seek under the kitchen table
