In the state of Wisconsin the birth mother has 21 to 30 days to change her mind. Yes you read that right. So we take the baby home from the hospital with us and will not actually know until the termination of parental rights (TPR) hearing (21 to 30 days later) if the baby will really become our son or daughter. I could be sitting at home rocking our new baby to sleep on day 20 and our social worker could show up to take the baby back. Can you imagine?! I mean we are the only parents that baby knows. We have been doing the midnight feedings, the changing, the bathing, the snuggling and rocking and bouncing and walking, everything! We will have fallen in love and our family in our eyes will be complete. If you are wondering how often this actually happens I can tell you it happens enough to make multiple social workers at our agency resign. As if losing the baby you have already become so attached to is not bad enough there is a 5 day window before TPR where the bulk of our adoption fees are due. If the birth mother changes her mind in those last 5 days our money is non-refundable. This means we have no baby and no money to attempt another adoption. This is TERRIFYING!!
Not all states have a 30 day waiting period and this is why we need your help. We need to spread the word from coast to coast and hopefully we can find a match that has a 24 to 72 hour waiting period. We want so badly to bond with our baby right away and not have that overwhelming fear that someone is going to come take him or her away from us. I'm not sure I could stand it.
If you are in the state of Wisconsin please don't feel like we don't need your help in spreading the blog as well. You never know who you know that might know someone who knows someone and the list goes on.
Thus far we have been so blessed with the love and support we've received and I cannot thank all of you enough! As promised back in Crafty for a Cause my car seat canopy creations are finally active on my Etsy page. Take a look and please keep me in mind for shower, new baby and just because mommy gifts! All proceeds are helping to fund our adoption.
Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and here's to a great week ahead! God Bless.
I so admire you and your husband's hearts for adoption, sweet friend. The world is lucky to have you! My thoughts and prayers are with you as you go on this journey! I know I'm late, but I'm SO glad you linked up to the Mommy-Brain Mixer! I hope to see you again on Thursday! :)
ReplyDeleteAs a birth mom who just placed her kid here in WISCONSIN.. the agency I used: Lutheran Social Services (LSS) have what is called a "Bridge Care Home". Its a temporary foster home that the baby goes to in between the hospital and the TPR. My son spent a month there in the care of an EXTREMELY skilled former NICU nurse. The adoptive parents took tons of lessons from her on how to take care of him. I was also able to go visit him, and spend time with him as well to make sure that my decision was the right one. I highly recommend that agency, as what you described happened to friends of friends, with an agency that does not have bridge care homes. Check it out! It's not that cool to advertise you "want a baby" out of state, it looks horrible to birth moms as it seems as if you will push her out of your life as soon as you get the baby, and that is the worst thing you can do to an already grieving birth mom.
ReplyDeleteMoros - Thank you so much for the info on the bridge care home. I also want to thank you for your feedback on persuing adoption out of state. I think my post was misleading as it has little to do with the relationship we hope to have with our birthmother. I would love to have as much contact as she feels comfortable with. We hope she will feel comfortable being considered our family as well. Our fears are in the devastation of another loss. That we would bond with a child and have it taken away and are in no way trying to downplay the grief a birthmother experiences. I would never keep a mother away from her child adopted or otherwise so I am sorry if my post gave you that impression. I am in awe of your strength, at the gift you have given and am honored that you have visited our blog. I will keep you, your son and his adoptive parents in my prayers for an amazing future together :)
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