No Room in the Womb

This post is a heavy heart post because today is a heavy heart kind of day.  The journey to adoption can be different for all families but our journey came via a long road of infertility.  While I don't know that I would change a thing about the journey because it has strengthened our marriage tenfold, the heartbreak is still very real.  Most days now are bright and sunny but once in a while a gray day sneaks into the forecast.  Enter my gray day.  I am beginning to feel like my infertility is Clomid to every female in close proximity.  No seriously.  It seems everyone around me doesn't just get pregnant easily, they get pregnant without trying!  Don't believe me?  I've had two best friends with a combined total of 5 accidental pregnancies and I work in a department of about 12 people and half of them or their spouses are currently expecting. I am super happy for each one of them but sometimes it can be emotionally exhausting.  There is always pregnancy talk in the office and I can't help but notice very little of it is positive.  Why is this?  This happens so often that when I shared our plans to adopt I was actually told how lucky I am because I won't have the nausea, the back pains, the swollen feet and ankles, the weight gain, the food aversion, the sleepless nights, the constant bathroom breaks and the list goes on.  I agree that none of those things sound overly enjoyable however lets turn the tables for a moment.  I will also never see a positive pregnancy test, feel my baby kick inside me, see movement in my belly, get crazy cravings that force my husband to drive for miles in the middle of the night, experience a fetal ultrasound, or know what a little Don and Amanda would look like.  We mourn the loss of the baby we will never create and some days, like today, I cry.  So while I would like very much to remind them what a blessing all those uncomfortable annoyances are I feel it's really not my place and I certainly don't want to become the infertile friend that ruins everyone elses fertility.  So I'm sending it off into cyberspace.  To all the moms, expectant moms or hopeful future moms out there reading this be thankful every day for your fertility.  Children are such an enormous blessing.  I have always known I wanted to be a mother and while God has thrown us a giant curve ball we aren't giving up.  The sadness is still there from time to time but these days I am spending more time concentrating on the blessing that awaits and thanking God for our birth mother's fertility :)  Someday and hopefully soon our dream of becoming parents will come true and I can only imagine how that will feel.