Mothers Day is really hard

Prior to becoming a Mother I could tell you without hesitation that Mother's Day was the worst day of the year for me. It pointed out everything I was missing and left me feeling hopeless. 

I always thought once I became a mom this would change and it has ... just not in the way I expected. 

Motherhood is amazing.

Adoption is beautiful. 

While I am blessed I cannot help but feel consumed by guilt on Mother's Day for my greatest blessings came at a cost to another soul. 

A soul that maybe never gave Mother's Day a thought before but finds it to be crippling now. A feeling I am all too familiar with.  

This is a hard thing to reconcile and was always my biggest hang up when we decided upon adoption. For our dreams to come true someone else had to experience a loss. I struggle deeply with this especially on Mother's Day. 

Thankfully I am married to the sweetest partner imaginable and he totally gets it. He spoiled me with some amazingly thoughtful gifts to show me that he thinks I'm an amazing mother while not forcing me to do anything over the top to celebrate. I mean these miracles are celebrated every single second of every day in our home. 

I'm not sure that Mother's Day will ever feel any different or get any easier but I am certain that I could not love our birth mothers more for everything they have given us.