This Fathers Day

Fathers Day is typically just as hard as Mothers Day in this household only this year I think might be the worst. 

While he doesn't always come right out and say it I know that hubby is carrying around quite a bit of guilt surrounding our first failed (or unmatched) birth mom connection.  Everything was going fantastic, we were getting invited to doctor appointments, in contact with our lawyer and then we received the email stating she was looking at other families because my husband was Catholic.  He was beyond devastated.  It was very important to her that her baby be raised in the Lutheran church and she just couldn't give him to a Catholic family.  The faith in which he had been raised cost us our first real chance at parenthood.  How can you not take that personally? 
I was raised in the Lutheran Church and when we got married we decided to go to a Catholic church around our home mostly because we heard most people loved it and the religious basics were not so different that I felt I couldn't accommodate.  It appeared that now we were paying for that decision with our future as parents.  It was a crushing blow.
We were both open to raising our child in the Lutheran Church and have actually since started attending one locally but it was too late.  She had already chosen another family and well you know the rest. 
While we are both elated with our new church I imagine its difficult for him to not blame himself every time he walks past our vacant nursery.  The real kicker is being any certain religion doesn't make you a good person or even a good parent.  I know plenty of people of all faiths who attend church every Sunday but don't live those values in their daily lives and are generally not great people.  I think church is important but what's in your heart is what matters most.  You can have Jesus in your heart and love and worship him daily and not go to church and that makes you ten times the Christian as someone just going through the motions in my opinion. 
I don't for one second blame him for what happened in fact I feel horrible for him.  I mean we all grow up believing the faith in which our parents chose to raise us.   I fell in love with him because of the person he has become and the faith in which he was raised.   No regrets.
Perhaps this Fathers Day we can do something special ... off the grid ... celebrating him and having nothing to do with children or our lack thereof.